Okay, the title sounds a bit scary, even as I wrote it my womb screamed No! I had my first baby at 18 and then two more at 20 and 26. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever done, why would I want to ever stop creating these amazing bundles of cuteness?
Huh! Well, I didn’t love pregnancy. It was because of the constant fear of getting obstetric scoliosis again which I wrote a little about in my Birth Stories. I mean, who wouldn’t be petrified if they had a medical condition that increased stillbirth by 50% with their first child when they were 18?
I did love breastfeeding though, I breastfed all three of mine. My first for 6 months (I stopped on the advice from a health visitor) yeah she didn’t know what she was talking about. So, I breastfed both my girls for 18 months. When my last child stopped breastfeeding (she chose it, not me) I was devasted! If anyone would talk about me breastfeeding I would cry. It took a long time for me to get over the loss of it.
Dennis & Holly aren’t biologically my partner’s Phils. At the time I had Dennis & Holly, Phil had two kids too. So at the time when we decided we knew we were done having kids, we have two 8-years-old, two 6-year-olds and a newborn baby together. Phil was 28 and I was 26 and we knew very quickly having a family with 5 children under the age of 8 was more than enough for us.
Our Original Plan
before we had Bella, our last one together, was to have two together. We were going to have our 2nd one together before I turned 30. But when Bella was under a year old we both started talking about how hectic our life was already. The school run, spending time with each child, just getting out of the house with a child still using a buggy etc. We also had a 7 seater car but we’d need to buy a bigger one if we had another child. I was breastfeeding Bella at the time, she was under a year. I told Phil that this was the best time to sort this out as I had no baby making urges. Deep down I knew when I stopped breastfeeding that they would come back. Full force!
What to do now we’ve made our decision to have no more kids?
We didn’t trust any form of contraception for me and we didn’t want to put ourselves in a situation where we had an unwanted pregnancy. We looked into me getting my tubes tied but found out I’d need to go into hospital, it would be classed as major surgery and my recovery time could potentially be 1-3 weeks. Then we looked into Phil having a vasectomy and that he could have it done under local anaesthetic at a doctors surgery and his recovery time could possibly be a lot less.
Phil made an appointment for the doctors, he asked both of us an array of questions. Like, what happens if your youngest turns 18 and you decide to have another. My bottom jaw dropped to the floor. No, that defiantly wouldn’t ever cross our minds. The doctor was a little against it as Phil was 28 and I was 26, but we convinced him that we were both ready for this new chapter in our lives. So after some more really pointed questions from the doctor he booked Phil in for his vasectomy. Two weeks later it was done.
A Few Questions From Phil About His Experience of the Vasectomy
Phil has had quite a lot of questions about his vasectomy, his experience and some technical questions so I thought I’d add them into this blog post, just in case people fill the comments below with them. I’ve not edited what he said to me so please forgive me for the brashness of some of his questions.
Q: Did the vasectomy procedure hurt?
Phil: It didn’t hurt one bit, the doctor numbed the whole area.
Q: Was it painful in the days following the procedure?
Phil: It felt like I had been kicked in the balls.
Q: How did you cope with the pain after the procedure?
Phil: I took ibuprofen to help with the pain and wearing tight boxers helped a lot.
Q: Is a vasectomy reversible?
Phil: Technology yes but it’s not guaranteed to work.
Q: Can you still…ejaculate?
Phil: Huh. Yes!
Q: Were you able to have unprotected sex straight after you recovered?
Phil: No, I was told that it would take 15-20 ejaculations and then I had to give a semen sample to be tested to see if any sperm are still present in my ejaculate.
Q: Are you happy that you had it done?
Phil: Yeah, now I am. I wasn’t at the time as it hurt. I already have enough kids running around my house and the world don’t need any more little Phil Jones’.
Thinking Back On Our Decision Now
It’s now been 4 years and neither of us regrets it. We love the kids we have and try our best to provide them with all they need/want. I still get super broody when I think or see little babies but I feel the same way when I see a cute puppy and I still don’t have a dog.
Since our first chat about this neither of us was on a different side, so the whole process for us has been simple. We’ve been a team throughout this whole process. I’m so happy that we made this choice and more importantly we made it together. I’m so thankful for Phil being 100% happy to have a vasectomy too, it made the decision of not having any more kids so much easier.
Also with making this decision, it’s not just allowed us to focus on the kids that we have but also on ourselves, our business’ and each other more. This is the first time I’ve had a 5-year-old where I didn’t have a little one running around or being pregnant. I find it so refreshing knowing that I won’t have to go buggy buying or buy a bigger car.
All my friends around me have small children all around my youngest age or/and are having more. Some of them ask me why I’m not having anymore and I have to explain how my partner and I already have 4 kids between us even before we got together. We now have two 13 years olds, two 12-year-olds and a 5-year-old together. That’s enough for us. Just because we had our children young and we would be still physically able to have children if Phil hasn’t of had his vasectomy doesn’t mean we have to keep helping to populate the planet any more than we already have. We had to do what was right for us and our blended family.
When Do You Know You Are Done Having Kids?
I’ve been asked this question a lot. I think people think as I’ve been through it that I have all the answers. Making this decision is a very personal one. Personally, for me, I don’t think I was ready to stop having kids in an ideal world. I would have loved one more, but, I had to take into account my situation not just what I wanted. The kids we’ve got, building a business, our finances, having physical disabilities and mental health problems.
All these factors played a big roll in our decision. Making this decision is a big thing and once we’d made it, it was easy for us to make it final by Phil getting a vasectomy. If you’re thinking it’s time for you to stop having children. You need to have some long talks to your partner and most importantly make sure you do it as a team.